Monday, October 3, 2011

Can Peace be taught?


I try to take my cues from the children when planning lessons.  They have a way of telling me what is important to them.  One day last week a child came to class wearing a pink anti bullying t-shirt.   One of the children noticed and said:  “Hey he's wearing a pink shirt!”  It was a lovely teachable moment.  I told them that my son has a shirt just like that. We talked about what bullying is and how it can hurt our bodies and our feelings. During circle time I brought out one of my favorite books of all time  entitled Have you filled a bucket today? By Carol McCloud . The book tells us how we all have an invisible bucket that we carry with us and it holds our good feelings.  People fill our buckets by saying and doing nice things.  The book also describes how we can dip from other peoples buckets by doing and saying hurtful things. After I read the book I invited a child to hold a bucket while the other children took turns giving examples of “Bucket filling.”  Some examples they gave were: saying “Hi.”, asking “Do you want to play?” and smiling.  As they gave their examples they put a bean bag in the bucket and they eventually filled up their friends bucket. Another great book is “Do Unto Otters” by Laurie Keller. It gives great kid friendly definitions of words like cooperation, and consideration.  It talks about what it looks like to be friendly and when to say “please”, “thank you” and “excuse me.”  Laurie Keller writes about  this in a fun humorous manner. 




 I learned about the book “Have you filled a bucket today?”  from my son Parker.  He was seven years old at the time. One night after Parker had gone to bed he came downstairs and asked if I would come upstairs to talk.  I went upstairs and  he wrapped his arms around my neck and said “I love you.” Then he said “Do you want me to tell you why I said that?”  I  said “OK” over the lump in my throat and he said: “Because people are like buckets and we fill them up by saying good things.”  I asked him where he learned about filling buckets and he said his principal read a story about it to them.

Parker has autism and before that moment he had never told me that he loved me.  Often children with autism need very direct instructions about what to say or do in a given situation.  It had probably never occurred to him to tell me he loved me even though he felt it. To be fair, it  never occurred to me to tell him that Moms like hearing their kids say “I love you” once in awhile.

Just like we teach our children the alphabet, or numbers or even how to tie their shoes we have to teach them how to live comfortably and respectfully within their families and  community.  Sometimes just our good example is enough and sometimes they need explicit instructions. Have you Filled a Bucket Today? gives very explicit instructions.   ~Ms. Melanie

This month one Lucky winner will receive a copy of, "Have you filled a bucket today" and "Do unto Otters".  Please be sure to leave a comment in the comments section.  The winner will be selected by random draw at the end of the month.  Good Luck!

7 comments:

  1. HI Ms. Melanie, Anna was obviously impacted by this book and your conversations over the past week because this afternoon when i picked her up and we were chatting on our way to Sobeys about the day - she said Ms. Melanie is gentle and is teaching us to be gentle to each other, and kind. then she said and to be gentle and silly too... and she burst out in a silly laugh... i thought it was beautiful and a great insight into my 4 year olds thoughts on the day. then to come home and see your post made my day! you guys are wonderful. Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Melanie. Sometimes it is hard to explain to young children why we don't say hurtful things to others, and the image of the bucket helps show how we feel meanness in our heads, our hearts, and even in our bodies.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a beautiful story, Melanie - thank you for sharing it with us. I love that the children are learning to be kind to one another through loving and thoughtful words and actions. I already see it positively influencing Dominic.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ms.Melanie, I was so touched by your story, thank you for sharing this with us and thank you for sharing those books with the children.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful story. There is nothing better than hearing your child utter those sweet words "I love you". My son Charlie says to me now "I love you soooo much mommy" and then gives me a big warm hug. This fills me up to the brim with such joy. The next time he says this to me I will be sure to tell him how those words fill my bucket.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful story Ms. Melanie, I hope my little one enjoys the books at school.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was an extremely powerful post and message for the kids as well as us parents. We were given this book for Christmas and it has been a frequent topic of conversation for our daughter. We have come a long way specifically over the last year with being polite and the pleases/thank yous as these help fill everyone’s bucket in a day. Actually, my daughter pipes up with her “thank you for dinner, Momma” well before my husband has a chance to say it – quite embarrassing to be showed up by his 4 year old. While my daughter is particularly sensitive to other’s emotions sometimes we have to explain how her actions affect others. For instance, grabbing a toy from her infant sister and running away from her. Stopping and explaining how this action affects her sisters emotions have helped.
    Being able to appreciate who we are, what we have and the people that surround us is immensely important. Although we all need reminders to stop and fill other’s buckets, including our children’s. We all live stressful, busy lives but stopping and making eye contact, hug etc. with bucket filling words mean so much to us all.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I really appreciate all the teachers at Maple Tree Montessori. You all have been loving, caring, knowledgeable and creative. Thank you for being you.

    ReplyDelete