We are all here to help the children that come through our door each day. Part of helping that child is letting them do things for themselves. I know it can be frustrating for your child to come home wet and dirty at the end of their day but it is their day. It is very normal to feel worried at the beginning of the year when accidents are happening and your child hasn't had them in a long time. Yes, paint is being spilled and spaghetti is going everywhere and someone always has a snotty nose.
When we choose to do something for a child or correct the job they just did, we are minimizing that child's effort and making them feel small instead of big and confidant. I heard today from one of the teachers that there was a massive glue spill at the art table and three children worked together to solve the problem all on their own. This is how it happened...
Someone was making a turkey hat and got frustrated with the glue bottle and took the lid off. Glue went everywhere. Another child came onto the scene and said, "Oh, let me put that lid on for you." While this was happening, another child was waiting with a tissue to wipe up the puddle of glue." We heard the children talking and one of them said, "Phew, I'm glad that's cleaned up before Ms. Michelle saw it!"
After I heard this, I reflected on it for the rest of the morning and asked the other teachers if I was too tough. To which they said, "No, someone has to be firm around here and they need and respect that. Plus, they were quick to step up to the plate and fix the situation all on their own and they were proud of themselves for it."
So, I am saying this: Childen are learning how to eat with a fork and knife here. They are learning how to care for themselves (i.e., washing hands, wiping themselves in the bathroom, putting their own gear for playground, blowing their nose, washing their face). They are washing up their own table space after lunch and clearing their dishes. You would be surprised at how much they do. Ask them to do it at home. It is never to early to start good habits.
I am amazed at how much we do for our children, and we are a society that is always in a rush and so we do it for our children instead of waiting for them to do it. My husband mentioned to me the other night how shocked he was by the number of parents still helping their child get into their hockey gear in Peewee. These are children that are eleven and twelve years old. Is it a function of time? Is it less frustrating to dress the children ourselves? Velcro has wrecked my life! It took my son forever to be good at tying his shoes. My daughter will whine to get out of tying her shoes even though she can do it all on her own very well. I've asked her teacher to not do this for her. If we keep doing it for them they will never master it and then become lazy about it. I was always happy when my son was dirty, I knew he had a great day at his preschool.
Try to bear with us as we are teaching these things to your children and, we know that it can only improve from here.
I am leaving you with this poem by Bud Hadfield. It was on the door of my classroom in the early days of my teaching and I just recently happened upon it and I thought I would share it with you. This should be our motto in life.
PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE COME INTO MY LIFE-
BUT DON'T TRY TO TAKE OVER.
PLEASE HELP ME TO THINK-
BUT DON'T TRY TO THINK FOR ME.
PLEASE HELP ME FIND A BETTER WAY-
BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO DO IT YOUR WAY.
PLEASE HELP ME-EVEN IF I AM WRONG
HELP ME TO STAND AGAIN-
BUT DON'T CARRY ME.
PLEASE HELP ME TO MOVE FORWARD AGAIN
EVEN IF WE MOVE FORWARD IN DIFFERENT DIRTECTIONS.
AND -LAST OF ALL-
IF YOU CAN NOT HELP ME TO BE
WHAT I WANT TO BE.
THEN PLEASE DON'T HURT ME
BY TRYING TO MAKE ME
WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE.
Great post - and a great reminder to step back and let our kids show us what they are capable of. I think there's a natural instinct to step in when our child is upset or frustrated about not being able to figure something out - it can be difficult to not jump right in and rescue them - I need to literally hold myself down sometimes. But the joy and self-satisfaction when he eventually gets it (or very nearly gets it) on his own, is worth it. And I think you're right that a lot of this needing to help has to do with time or a lack of time - we're rushing around, trying to accomplish so much in a (too short!) day that it's faster and easier in the moment to just do it for them. Maybe, in addition to stepping back, we need to slow down. A lot easier said than done, I realize, but perhaps worth it?? Regardless, I'm currently soaking the mud-splattered pants of a very happy boy who clearly had a fun day at school. What more could a parent want?? :>
ReplyDeleteYou are right Michelle. I have to remember to take a step back and let my son do things himself. Too often I catch myself helping him do things I know he can do on his own. When he does do things on his own, it is fun to watch how proud he becomes of his accomplishments.
ReplyDeleteYesterday my son Charlie said to me that he wanted to take the craft he had made on the weekend and show all his teachers at Maple Tree. I thought this was pretty sweet.
Thanks for this Michelle
ReplyDeleteIt is true we do too much for our kids sometimes and stepping back to let them learn grow and develop is what they need ( even though we want it all done faster!)
Great post!
I really enjoyed this post Michelle. My daughter has changed so much in the last few weeks, she amazes me everyday. She shows so much pride in the simplest of tasks, it reminds me of the wonders of being a child.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!, It makes me think more on give my children their time, even though sometimes I think we don't have that time at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I think the same principles apply to adult to adult interaction a lot of the time too. It's easy to want things to go "right" by our standards and deny ourselves and others learning opportunities.
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